All Elite Wrestling

Besides a love for porn, there are a few other things nearly all of my readers have in common. First off, most of you live in your mom's basement for free. You have no job, no goals, and no opportunities for change.

Shamegasm

You all love the shit out of video games. They help you to forget you're locked up in your parent's basement surrounded by to-go fast food containers and crusty cum filled tissues.

None of you have sex on a regular basis. If you're not a virgin, it's because you fucked some disabled or retarded bitch. But, hey, you do you, boo boo. I'm not here to judge. I review porn for a living. Of course, I also crush puss all day and live in the lap of luxury. That's neither here nor there, though.

I would be remiss not to add tiny cocks to this list. I bet it would take six of your cocks to equal one average-sized cock. The motion of the ocean can make up for some things, but not a micropenis. Once you're dealing with only a couple of inches, there isn't much you can do besides don a strap-on.

To continue on the point of your bodies, I think it goes without saying that you're all fat ugly slobs. Otherwise, you wouldn't be in the position you're in. To be fair, if you would at least move out of your parent's house, it would increase your chances of fucking by tenfold.

Another thing you all share is a passion for pro wrestling. Pro wrestling is kind of an odd thing when you break it down, but I get why people like it. There's intrigue, drama, fighting, and, best of all, sexy bitches.

Fighting Fuckable Divas

No wrestling promotion is complete without a roster of hot fuckable bitches that go out and nearly tear each other's clothing off. Fighting and sex go together like peanut butter and jelly. Go get yourself some.

Wait, you can't. Even a one-legged Albanian midget could beat you up, and unless a bitch has a debilitating head injury, you're not getting fucked. The best you can do is watch pro wrestling and dream.

Most people think of World Wrestling Entertainment when they think of pro wrestling, but that's not the only promotion out there. AEW (also known as All Elite Wrestling) is the second most popular promotion on the market. They have a ton of big names that made their way from WWE looking for greener pastures.

AEW is owned by Shahid Khan and his son Tony Khan. Performers Matt and Nick Jackson and Kenny Omega serve as executives. AEW has some big-name performers, such as CM Punk, Chris Jericho, Cody Rhodes, Jon Moxley, and Kenny Omega.

Unofficial = Tits

Now that the basic info about AEW is laid out, I want to look at their Twitter page. Not their official Twitter page, though. I want to check out the unofficial not safe for work Twitter page. I don't need to see dudes getting suplexed. I need to see bitches with their titties out. As I've said before, I'm a simple man.

Let's take it from the top. The most recent post as of the writing of this article features the incredible Cassie Lee. In this picture, she is rocking some pink lingerie and shows off every inch of her body. God damn, would I love to have one of those tits in my mouth.

Next, we have Skye Blue. While I fucking hate her lazy shitty name, I love her sexy beach bod. This bitch is on her knees in the sand, ready to swallow a fat load of cum juice. Her lips are perfect for spraying down in jizz.

The following post is a gif of Jamie Hayter whooping some bitches ass while her own ass jiggles with every punch landed. I want to peel the sequined shorts off of her ass and penetrate her asshole like a katana plunging into the belly of a samurai committing seppuku.

My favorite part of bitches wrestling is how much everything moves. From the ass to the tits, everything is in motion. They must use a lot of double-sided sticky tape to keep those outfits one. I wonder if I could sneak on set one day and sabotage their tape.

Big Titty Goth Bitch

We've talked a lot about similarities today. Before, I was just talking about you guys, but there are plenty of things all men have in common. One of those things is a love for big titty goth girlfriends. Big titty goth girlfriends are universally loved by men and women everywhere.

What is there not to love? Black is a fun color. Big tits are awesome. No one ever turned down BDSM. And no isn't in a big titty goth bitches vocab. You can do whatever you want to them.

Filling the role of big titty goth bitch for All Elite Wrestling is Saraya. She is everything I want in a Hot Topic cunt. She is sexy, has dick-sucking lips, wears black and red, and wants to lay around fucking all day. I'd damn near put a ring on it. But I won't. The Porndude has too much pussy to crush for rings.

That brings us to a gif of the talented tag team Taynara Melo Guevara. These bombshell look ready to take on a cock together. Something tells me they would work in perfect unison as they tugged, sucked, and fucked my dick into oblivion.

One appears to have some Latin in her, so I assume that's the crazy one. She's either riding your dick or cutting it off. There is no in-between.

Yeast Mode

Most of these ladies have been more on the petite side. However, this next bitch is all muscle. I definitely wouldn't pick a fight with Jade Cargill. She is a talented wrestler who is not unfamiliar with the best.

She has the type of arm strength that could tear your dick off in one smooth motion. She could probably squeeze my dick in two.

Her arms aren't the only muscular thing on her. Her ass looks like it was chiseled out of granite. You could bounce a bullet off of that thing. It may be built of adamantium. I'm unsure one could push their dick past her cheeks to fuck her in the ass. Her asshole may be perminantly cut off from the rest of the world.

That takes us back to petite cutesy bitches that fucked their way onto the promotion. Bitches such as Anna Jay. Anna Jay looks less like a pro wrestler and more like a pro porn star. This picture features her in pajama onesies that leave little, if anything, to the imagination.

I'll bet my house on this bitch getting into porn at some point. It's unavoidable. She is too fuckable to escape putting her pussy on camera. So do the world a favor, anna, and don't fight it. Just accept it and suck some cock for Blacked. I can tell by the look in your eye that you love black cock.

Right after Anna is another picture of the amazonian woman Jade Cargill, who looks even more muscular in this pic. Judging by her thighs, she must spend all day doing squats. Her curves are insane. I bet she would give you guys a feargasm before you could even penetrate her gash.

A Fav Babe

Mickie James is one of my favorite divas from the All Elite Wrestling roster. I'm sure the moment you lay eyes on her, you'll understand why. Her rack is stupendous. I vote her the best rack in AEW. Plus, she has a slut face. Everyone loves a solid slut face. That dome piece has been hosed in ropes countless times. It's probably permanently sticky at this point. Some things can't be wiped away so easily.

Sadie Gibbs looks a little out of place in her modeling photos. She seems less ready for the ring and more ready for the runway. I'm surprised Sadie doesn't whittle away her days advertising for Vera Wang or Gucci. Something tells me she would get bored of that pretty quickly.

I'll end with a last picture of Jamie Hayter. My favorite aspect of her outfit are the straps bolstering up her buttcheeks. It accentuates her ass in the best possible way. I want to run up into the ring and spank the shit out of it.

All Elite Wrestling has a massive roster of fuckable divas that love nothing more than to fight and show off their bodies. I'm here for it, ladies, so please don't stop.

My only complaint about this Twitter page is that bitches don't get more naked. I'm trying to see every millimeter of these cunts.