London River

I recently met a few college-aged gents at a bar who didn't understand having a milf fetish. These dumbasses didn't even know who I was. We just happened upon the topic as gents are want to do. Obviously, I disagreed with them in the least and felt compelled to guide them towards the milf light and introduce them to one of my favorite milfs, London River.

Teaching Youth About the Magic of Milfs

First off, I explained that all the twenty-something dumb college cunts they're fucking have no idea how to handle a man's equipment. These guys were only twenty-two, so they were content just to have their peens touched. It all feels the same to them. They have no idea what a skilled hole feels like.

Once you've had a cocksmith that knows what they're doing mount your manhood, your world changes. It puts every single sexual experience you've ever had into view. Suddenly Gina, with the fat ass, doesn't seem like the sex queen you once thought she was. Meanwhile, it turns out old Gertrude was the grundel Goddess you had always hoped to find.

It comes down to life experience. You can take classes and read about phallus theory 101 all you want, but until you dig your hands in the dirt, you're no master. Trust me, men. You'll forget all about how old a cunt is when that experienced mouth is gagging on your cock like it's full of arthritis cream.

London has all the experience a woman needs to make a man feel good. Even a simple hand job from this bitch is something to behold. It doesn't matter what part of her body makes contact with the head or your dick. It's going to make you want to cum... hard.

Plus, let's not forget that bitches don't get old like they used to. If you watch vintage shows, bitches looked run down and out for the count by the age of thirty-five. These days fifty-five is the new thirty-five. Bitches can be both skilled and still look fit, young, and hot.

London River looks as incredible now at thirty-six as she did at eighteen. She ages like a fine scotch. The boob implant in 2017 certainly helped perk things up a bit.

Milfs are also way better at post-sex aftercare. What does a college bitch do after you sling ropes against her IUD? Talk your ear off about women's rights? Fuck that. After you bust on a milf's face, she gets up, makes you a meal, spoon-feeds you, does the dishes, and then asks for more dick. It could be better.

One of my favorite parts of milfs is that they don't get pregnant nearly as often. First off, they have fewer eggs left in the mag. Some might even be done with their menstrual cycle altogether. That means you can fire off loads deep in their pussy's without worry.

And if a bitch does still have eggs in the bandoleer, you can trust she doesn't fuck around with her birth control regimen. It doesn't get discussed much, but women don't like rubbers, either. They want to feel your wiener skin against their bare vaginal walls as much as you want to feel their bare vaginal walls against your wiener skin.

That's why older bitches always ensure their IUD is in place or they've taken their birth control pills. Milfs already have children and don't want more. All they want is peen and cum. You'll never have to play the pullout game with London River. She wants your cum inside her more than anything in the world.

If any of my readers out there aren't fans of milfs they need to become fans. Milfs get so horny that they might even fuck you pieces of shit if the situation is right. But bare in mind that the situation needs to be extremely right.

The Last Dick On Earth

Picture this. Some dumb cunt finds out she is dying of cancer and only has minutes to live, so she hits the bars to suck some dick and make the most of her last moments on planet earth, only to discover that it's burn victim day at her local dive. She tries to find another bar but is reminded that it's a holiday and only the dive is open.

She's desperate for any kind of penis she can get that doesn't have cadaver skin grafted to the shaft. She wanders the sidewalks, but they are empty save for homeless people with visible, communicable, and fatal sexually transmitted diseases. Finally, she yells out in frustration, "will someone whose flesh is all theirs please come fuck the shit out of me!"

That's when you appear from behind the bush you had been masturbating in while watching college chicks come out of Lulu Lemons. She immediately says she would rather die then and there instead of fuck you, but that's when all the medication they gave her in the hospital hits. Now she can't tell the difference between a fat white you and a muscular black Edris Elba.

It sounds like a rare situation, but it's those types of rare situations you need to keep an eye out for if you ever want to experience sexual intercourse for yourself. However, until that day comes along, you have London River's Twitter account to keep you busy.

Proud Porn Star

London has no qualms about announcing her profession to the Twitterverse. I have when porn stars try to get away with calling themselves influencers or actresses. Take pride in your work as an adult entertainment professional. Fuck people that talk shit. When you hear the haters, look in your bank account.

London is managed by ATMLA, who I have great respect for. They've brought us many of the best porn stars on the market. They are responsible for gallons of my emptied jizz.

Besides porn, London also enjoys posting about Wheel of Time and dinosaurs. I only watch Game of Thrones for the nudity, but who doesn't like dinosaurs?

3X Expo

The tweet currently pinned to the top of London's wall announces her upcoming appearance at X3 Expo in January. Tickets would be the perfect gift to buy yourself this Christmas. I can't think of a better way to celebrate the birth of Christ that getting a face full of porn star titties. I know he was giving that divine dick to Mary Magdaline, so Jesus gets it.

When and if you buy your tickets, be sure to use her code at check at out: LRIVERX3. She deserves the love.

The picture to go along with her 3X announcement is sexy as all fuck. God damn, does this bitch have an ass on her. If you spank that shit, it jiggles for three or four minutes. It's almost a perpetual motion machine.

You'll see plenty of nudity and fun on London's Twitter, but she does keep it real from time to time. For example, you guys probably don't realize this, but BDSM performers get the same flat rate other less extreme performers get. No matter how far a bitch is willing to go, it doesn't affect her bottom line. Bare that in mind next time you're not seeing exactly what you hoped for. These bitches are whores, not robots.

That said, you can always request custom content from your favorite stars. Of course, there is no guarantee they'll make it for you, but at least you can offer more money than they'd get on set. Money is a great motivator.

Black Cock Vaccuum

This probably goes without saying, but yes, London has scenes with Blacked. In fact, she takes it a step further and has scenes with the more intense Blacked Raw. Only true pussy masters can handle that kind of work.

If you frequent Blacked or Blacked Raw, you'll notice they feature a lot of milfs. That's because milf pussy has already been stretched by years of penile abuse. As a result, they're elastic enough to accept a giant fourteen-inch black cock.

London is getting a lot of love prior to the Adult Video News Awards. I'd be shocked if she didn't bring one or two home with her this year. She's done more than enough to deserve it. Plus, that ass is in a category all its own. They might have to invent a new type of award for it.

London River's pussy flows as wet as its namesake. This milf will have you crying out her name as you cum. When you see her ass, you won't be able to stop stroking, even after you cum.

London tends not to post her freakier content on Twitter, but I don't see why. Her kinky shit is some of my favorite, and it's not like others don't do it.

London River wants your seed, so don't refuse her desires.