Cassie Del Isla

When I look at Cassie Ibiza, my first question is, what hole do I stick it in first? I can tell by her content on Twitter where Cassie would like me to start: her asshole. But holes have long been at odds with one another.

The Greatest Debate Ever Known

Let's take this argument orifice by orifice, starting with the mouth. I want all gents on our little blue ball to pat themselves on the back for a job well done right now. It took many moons, but we finally changed human society to reflect the needs of our peens, and now all sluts suck cock.

Had we not put such efforts in, Cassie might not even be doing porn, let alone posting it to Twitter or sucking down shaft like a coal mine with an efficient ventilation system.

Bitching loving to put their money where their mouth is wasn't always the situation, though. We had to fight for blow jobs to become a regular part of sex. Now bitches battle over who gives better head. What a wonderful time to be alive. If any ladies are engaged in that debate right now, why don't you come to see me so an experienced judge can select the winner?

Gag Training

Not only did we make gagging on gaak a regular part of intercourse, but we bred the gag reflex right out of these cunts. I haven't gotten mouth service from a bitch with a gag reflex since middle school. It's fucking incredible. It might be man's greatest goal he has ever accomplished. Fuck the Wright brothers. Fuck the particle accelerators. Fuck Nuclear power. Fuck landing on the Moon or putting rovers on Mars. Even combined, those accomplishments don't hold a candle to training every bitch how to swallow jizz with a wink and a smile.

What makes the blow job such a relaxing and enjoyable experience is that we don't have to do anything. Bitches have to put in all of the work. The only thing I have to do is sit back and enjoy. It's also the perfect orifice for multitasking. Because all my arms and legs are free, I can drive, do taxes, play video games, or get some work done, all while a bitch slobbers on my top like she's eating a Fudgsicle.

Cassie doesn't give a shit what you're up to. She's always game to unzip your pants and lick the tip until you're rock-hard and precum is dripping from your dick tip.

The only downside is that blow jobs rely on the abilities of the cocksmith. If your bitch has no gag game, your dick is about to be chewed up and spit out like a piece of flavorless Zebra Gum.

However, you never have to worry about that with Cassie. Her mouth spent time in ancient Indian monasteries where the secrets to oral sex have been taught for millennia. Now she can choke on your member while reciting Gregorian chants.

Queen of the Holes

The vagina is considered the leader of the hole-y trinity. It's the one hole that was crafted exclusively for dong to diddle. As a result, it has the ideal dimensions for penis pleasing. The vaginal walls are slippery yet still grip, providing the nerves on your dick tip the sensation we pervs love so much.

Of course, the vagina is ideally placed within the confines of the hips so bitches can work it and twerk it while they ride your manhood like the war elephant it is. And let's not forget about the kegel muscles.

Those are the muscles in the puss ladies can use to clamp down on your rod. It's a stamina-ruining move that has given me some of the best orgasms of my life. I've fucked bitches with enough core strength to snap my ding-a-ling off at the base and blast it out into the woods, never to be heard from again.

The only downside to the pussy is that slinging your genetic juices inside of it can lead to the creation of spawn. As the Porndude, producing mini Porndudes has always been my mortal enemy, especially considering that my alpha sperm is so potent, robust, and hasty. Their thrice the size of the average beta sperm. What do they look like, you ask? Imagine if Rambo fucked a tadpole, and the resulting child was raised by Copperhead snakes. That's what each and every one of my sperm looks like.

When it comes to pussy, Cassie takes no prisoners. She will fuck your dick until you cry out for mercy. Only when a mixture of tears and cum is running down your face will she relent, even for a second. Don't believe me? Just watch some of her Clips on Twitter.

The Anal Arena

That brings us to the star of Cassie's body, her tight brown eye. Anal is the redheaded stepchild of penetrable orifices. Not everyone likes it, it gets made fun of by people who don't, and no one talks about it publicly. Of all the holes, the anus gets loved on the least, and that's a damn shame. Much like redheaded stepchildren, the butthole is misunderstood.

People fear the dookie within, but folks need not be scared of the doo-doo. The brown will not bite. Listen to me. Will some poop come out if you fuck a bitch right after she eats a five-layer burrito from T Bell? Probably. That's why you have to plan ahead.

But the need for a plan makes the asshole such a rarely-used point of entry. Most of us don't think ahead like that, especially when two other options are waiting and at the ready to receive your load.

However, if you are willing to put the extra work in, the asshole has many presents for your ween. It's tight, doesn't contain eggs, and proves a bitches dedication to your cum.

Twitter's Dark Star

It will become clear soon after your arrival on Cassie's Twitter that her asshole is something special. It's not your average everyday brown eye. It has been blessed with mystical powers that draw cum from the penis like siphoning a gas tank.

Cassie is a French Creole bombshell with a body that will make you see God. However, it's not until you see her work a dick that you'll want to fuck God.

Cassie describes herself as repped by the prestigious Motley Models. She has a backup account in case Old Musky tries to pull some dumb shit. She also posts a link to her husband, fellow porn star Dorian Del Isla. Sorry, guys. It looks like you haven't found your future wife as of yet.

Cassie joined Twitter in August of 2010 and has since gathered nearly one hundred and twenty thousand followers. In a rare twist, the Tweet pinned to the top of Cassie's wall advertises her YouTube account instead of her Only Fans, which we will get to momentarily.

She shares the YouTube account with her husband, and they do all sorts of fun stuff. It's generally safe for work, but I'm sure your boss wouldn't be thrilled to see you use company time in such a manner.

Don't worry. Cassie's Only Fans advertisement is only one post down. A subscription costs a reasonable fifteen bucks a month. Considering the service you'll receive, that's one hell of a deal.

If you want to make it a better deal, you can buy a bulk subscription. Three months saves you five percent, six months ten percent, and a year fifteen percent.

If you enjoy Cassie Ibiza's content, don't forget to vote for her in the Adult Video News Awards. Is there a best-asshole category? If not, there should be, and Cassie should be the first winner.

You won't be alone. Cassie has been retweeting the many vote announcements from her fans. She's getting a lot of love this year. All of her asshole's hard work is paying off.

Boxing Bitches

That brings us to a picture of Cassie in the squared circle. She's no stranger to whooping somebody's ass while naked. I'd let her kick and punch me all she wants, pending she keeps her clothes off throughout. Some sacrifices are worth making without a second thought.

Cassie and her asshole are magnificent to behold. Her digestive tract is like a spa for my penis. I'd spend all day in her sauna if given the opportunity.

While Cassie does have the occasional video clip on her Twitter, I would love to see more of them. Give us a little taste of your cocksmithing skills, Cassie.

I won't take any more time away from your date with Cassie and your hand.