Amber Alena

Sex is a rough topic for many of my readers. The urge to have it is so overwhelming, yet access is minimal at best. As you can imagine, it’s difficult for me to empathize with your sex problems. I have so much sex sometimes I forget when I'm in the middle of it. In order to help me understand your plight, I crafted a thought experiment.

Sexual Thought Experiment

In my thought experiment, I imagine being trapped in a room containing only a television set. That Television set plays cooking shows twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, but no food is ever delivered. In the meantime, when hunger strikes, I can press a button, and a thin mist enters the room that makes me less hungry but doesn't actually satisfy me.

Then I picture being locked in that room for forty years. How would I feel about food at that point? Would I know how to consume sustenance? If offered a sandwich, would I stare at it in confusion? Even worse, would I turn it down and return to my room to watch more fake food on TV?

That's basically where you guys are at with sex. The urge to unload a satchel of jizz juice deep inside a cunts pussy is so intense, but the best you can do is spill your seed into a tissue paper.

Giving Up on Real Pussy

Many of you have entirely given up on having sex and instead are searching for ways to make the pocket pool experience more realistic. However, realism means different things to different people.

Some men take it all the way, buy a sex doll, and treat it like a living human woman. This is the worst-case virgin scenario. Nothing is more pathetic than watching some geeky incel virgin chat with an inanimate object about anime. As an alpha male, I'm not one to shed tears, but seeing a fellow man humiliate himself in such a way is too much for me to watch. And that's coming from a guy who has watched a thing or two in his life.

I've seen a bitch break a beer bottle off in her pussy and play with the jagged edges. I've seen a guy let fire ants march down his cock shaft before cumming them back out. I've even seen a couple have sex in an overflowing septic tank outside a Mexican restaurant. Yet, none of those tragic instances were as fucked up to me as watching a full-grown adult man treat a giant sex doll like his wife.

There is a happy middle ground where sexless gents can squeeze some more reality out of their fapping experience without degrading themselves to such an apocalyptic degree. The first thing that comes to mind is, of course, the cock sleeve.

My hand has never let me down when it comes to providing my penis with world-class stroking. Every time I send my fingers back into the front lines, they accomplish the mission. They are tireless in their drive to make the jizz launch out of my dingle.

However, they are still only hands. They are limited by the nature of their biology. Your hands weren't explicitly crafted to grab your wang. They're multipurpose tools that happen to be able to jerk you off.

A Fleshlight, on the otherhand, was meticulously crafted for the express purpose of emptying your balls. The synthetic materials used in its construction caress the penis into ecstasy. Try as they might, your hands can't keep up with the latest synthetic vag tech.

There is only so much I can do to assist your journey physically. I'm not the Pocket Pussy Dude. However, I am the Porn Dude, and I'm happy to direct you toward the perfect porn for your research. Today, that ideal bitch is Amber Alena.

Titty onset Spinalbifita

Amber is a chiropractor's dream client. Just looking at the size of her tits makes my back hurt. There is no way her vertebrae are happy with their situation in Amber's body. They beg for the sweet release of death.

When you combine those mega boobs with her blonde hair and bimbo face, you have a traditional American porn star. She's as red, white, and blue as irresponsible gun ownership and inadequate medical care.

Amber's Twitter account is a great place to start exploring her body. She doesn't really describe herself on her account. Instead, Amber provides links to her IG and Tik Tok. If you wish to book Amber, you can contact her management at Hussie Models and her public relations team at The Rub PR.

Amber joined Twitter in March of 2016 and has since gathered around two hundred and seventy thousand followers. When you have tits as noticeable as lighthouses, men will find you.

Ambers enhanced tits are so massive they stress me out a little bit. When she vigorously rides dick, her boobs bounce around with such force it looks like one could tear off, reach exit velocity and enter close earth orbit.

Perhaps she should install some supportive girders to ensure her giant mama milkers remain attached to her sternum. They might also help to take some pressure off her cervical spine.

Amber is a lover of the visual arts. That makes a lot of sense, considering how pleasant she is to look at. Amber's Twitter is full of paintings and photographs that inspire her. Whatever keeps her getting naked in front of a camera is fine by me. I'll even call her Titcaso if she likes.

She also has an intricate line-work tattoo just below her navel. I think of it like an underline highlighting her already obvious boobs. The shapes are perfect for coloring in with your cum. I always enjoy using my penis like a crayon. To be honest, though, I rarely stay within the lines.

Boobs Make a Bitch Popular

Amber lights whatever platforms she uses on fire. For example, Fan's Revenue. Fans Revenue is an Only Fans emulator that Amber is a top ten creator on. Users can't get enough of her disproportionally large breasts. It looks like she's carrying around two anvils in her bra.

Amber claims to have freckles on her face, but I can't convince myself to look at her face long enough to confirm or deny these claims. Every time I try, I end up looking at her tits instead. It's impossible not to. You could put a gun to my mother's head, and I still wouldn't be able to look away. Sorry, mom.

That's not the only top ten Amber has been a feature of recently. She also made it to the top ten XBIZ official list. XBIZ is one of the most respected names in porn, so if they call Amber a top-ten talent, it means something.

The close-up boob picture Amber posted on August 20th is perfect for analyzing just how extreme her enhancements are. I can almost hear her skin crying out in agony. If she forgets to apply lotion for only one day, a tit is dropping off her body like ripened fruit from the branch of an apple tree.

Amber has worked with many of the biggest studios in porn, including Brazzers. She always puts in her best effort for Brazzers, and they know how to use her assets best. They also have the wide-angle lenses required to capture Amber's big mama milkers in one frame. Otherwise, it would require a panorama shot.

One of my favorite scenes Amber shot for Brazzers is "Spying on Roomies GF with XXX-ray glasses." I love when porn is both fun and arousing. I enjoy having a good chuckle while I cum. A chuckle cum, if you will.

Amber is just returning from a brief porn hiatus. Sometimes a bitch needs a minute to recharge, recuperate, and heal. By that, I mean a bitch needs to give her pussy a cock break so its elasticity can return. Amber doesn’t want her vagina turning into an aircraft hanger. While gaping porn is a thing, at some point, you have to ensure the barn door still closes. Otherwise, Amber's open pussy will cause reverb when she speaks.

Amber Alena has a pair of insanely enhanced tits that you won't be able to take your eyes off of. She's so disproportionate I can't believe she can walk without tipping forward. When this bitch gets old, she'll be bent over like a question mark.

One this Amber needs more of in her life is black cock. I want to see Amber getting her tiny pussy reamed out by a black dude with a foot-long cock. Is that too much to ask?

Amber put a lot of money into those tits. Make sure all that money doesn't go to waste by jerking off to her today.