Moriah Mills

Every once in a while, the universe sees fit to bless us with a woman that has such preposterous proportions she looks like a drawing. A bitch whose waist is so tiny and hips and tits so large that it breaks the wiring in a man's brain. Moriah Mills is one such bitch.

From Seed to Apple Bottom Jeans

Moriah was born in New York, New York, on October 17th, 1991. She describes herself as a perfect ten, and it's hard to argue with her. She could make a man drool on himself from a hundred yards away.

Moriah hit Instagram in 2016 and gathered one hundred thousand followers in her first month. She wasn't even naked. She was just flaunting her body in a swimsuit. Still, Moriah is like a lighthouse to horny men who love a fat ass.

That was only the beginning, though. When she saw how many men were pining for her, she knew porn was the next move. Moriah shot her debut scene with none other than Reality Kings. You've got to be one hot cookie to score Reality Kings for your first gig.

Porn isn't the only thing Moriah gets up to. She is also a rapper and social media influencer. She has been featured in several music videos and always takes random modeling gigs. Everyone wants a piece of the big ol' booty.

I'll answer your next question right away. I doubt she writes her own lyrics, and Moriah is still a terrible rapper. However, people don't listen to her music. They watch her music videos. She doesn't have to craft intricate rhyme schemes to encourage people to look at that fat ass.

Don't Put a Ring On It

In case you're thinking of asking Moriah out on a date, don't. She is infamous for having a long list of demands she requires all her partners to meet. As I mentioned before, she sees herself as a ten and must be treated as such.

What exactly are these demands? Some are relatively simple and innocuous, such as they must love animals. That's the least of it, though. Along with a passion for animals, she expects a weekly allowance.

Considering that you receive your own weekly allowance from your mom, I doubt you can afford Moriah. Besides, this bitch makes plenty of money. What do you need me for? How about we exchange an allowance? Money isn't flowing one way just because you have pussy. I fuck bitches like her every goddamn day. It isn't that special in the Porn Dude world. Moriah's powers don't work here.

Back to more reasonable expectations, she requires weekly oral sex. Bitch, I'll give you daily oral sex. Why only weekly? Does your pussy stank? If so, thanks for limiting your request to once a week. I appreciate it. However, no matter how much it stinks, I'm still putting my dick in a few times a day.

You also better know how to cook and clean. Moriah is not living with some slob or caring for you like your mother.

Now back to some unreasonable requests. You'll have to send her a dozen roses once a week. Why? So you can watch them die? Here's how I offer to pamper you, Moriah. I'll give you the best dick you've ever had in your life, and then you go somewhere and sit silently until you or I are horny again. Sound good? It does to me.

That said, you guys aren't me. Your plan should be to do everything this bitch asks and more. You'll have to earn the pussy, while Moriah has to earn my dick. That's the joy of being an alpha male.

From Zero to One Million

It's time to pull up Moriah's Twitter page and see what she is up to these days. Her description provides links to her Snap Chat, Instagram, Youtube, and Only Fans. Since joining in June of 2017, she has attracted over one million followers. For a porn star to put up those numbers in only five years is incredible.

The tweet pinned to the top of her page right now asks what you would say or do if you met Moriah in person. Personally, I would tell her I'm not ever doing anything on her checklist before pulling out my cock and watching her suck on it anyway.

You guys, on the otherhand, should drop to your knees and offer to buy her panties. The jokes on you. This bitch never wears panties.

If you're reading this article soon after its release, Moriah is running a special for October on her Only Fans. All sexting is free until the end of the month.

Moriah may not be a skilled rapper, but she knows how to dirty talk with the best of them. The sweet nothings she whispers will have your dick tip leaking precum before you even touch it. If Moriah was an ugly cunt she could still make millions teasing lonely men on the phone.

I just ran into a tweet that helps to explain why she only needs her pussy eaten once a week. It's because you can't get away from eating her pussy without eating that asshole. For me, the asshole is only meant for two things: poop and penis. My tongue is neither a poop nor a penis, so it will not be making contact with your O-ring.

I've spent so much time talking about Moriah's ass that I didn't even mention her F-cup tits. Best of all, despite being watermelon-sized, they are perky and bouncy.

Not Just a Pretty Ass

And while I'm talking about her big tits, let me also bring up her dick-sucking lips. Her lips look specifically designed by God for sucking dick. I couldn't imagine how they could be better suited for the job.

Moriah gets up to all sorts of fun activities on her Only Fans. She recently hopped on live to "rate cocks all night." I don't imagine any of you pussy fucks want your cock rated by a sexy porn star. I don't have to see my reader's dicks to know they are sad, small, and limp. Unless you're a cuck, I doubt you want to hear that news from Moriah.

Moriah does a lot of polls on her site for followers to weigh in on. She recently asked if she looks Fuckable, Loveable, or Kissable. I'm going to have to say fuckable. It sounds like loving this bitch might be a bit exhausting. I'm a busy guy. I don't have time for foolishness. Suck my dick and be gone, THOT!

In another poll, she posted a picture of her ass in a skirt and asked if it looked pregnant. The options are "they baking in the oven," "Looking nine months," or my answer, "you having twins, sheesh." She is definitely having twins. Maybe even triplets.

I know I keep bringing her ass up, but I keep coming across pictures that remind me of it. When you see this Moriah's naked ass for the first time, You're going to flip the fuck out. You'll start Venmoing her the allowance your mom gives you immediately.

Moriah recently posted a picture of her in a cute outfit alongside the caption, "I need a black boyfriend on Twitter." A couple of hours later, she noted that she had lost a bunch of followers after the post, so Moriah reiterated that she loves all her kings regardless of race. It sounds like some white dudes with tiny penises got angry Moriah likes black guys.

Boyfriend Application

Unsurprisingly, Moriah has had trouble locking down a permanent man since she announced her list of demands. So to help counteract the tides, Moriah created a boyfriend application. You can try applying, but I don't think a corpse would fuck you, let alone someone as sexy as Moriah, so don't waste your time.

This next post contains an interesting question. Of course, the question comes posted with a picture of her ass to sully your logic. She asks, "If I just got back home from work, would you give me a kiss?" Not without asking some questions first bitch.

Was there cock in your mouth today? Was there cum in your mouth today? Did you brush your teeth? It's three simple questions that require three simple answers. Pending that you brush, the answer to the first two questions doesn't matter.

Moriah Mills owns one of the sexiest bodies to ever grace mother earth. You should feel lucky to be alive at the same time she is. She will drain your balls of cum every time you lay your eyes on her.

Moriah has over a million followers, so she is doing a lot right. My one suggestion is to hire a better ghostwriter for your music.

Go get yourself an eyeful of a real-life Pixar booty on Moriah's Twitter account. You won't regret it.