EuroBabeFacials

Euro Babe Facials! One of the most challenging questions I face on a day-to-day basis is where to cum. There are so many great options out there that it can be difficult to choose. That goes doubly so when you have as much sex as I do. I like to mix it up, but it's hard not to get repetitive when you're fucking five or six times a day.

My Favorite Body Parts to Baste in Cum

Today we'll be talking about a certain popular place to bust a nut, so in preparation, I figured I'd cover my favorite areas to cum. It probably won't surprise you to learn that my number one favorite place is inside of a vagina. How could it not be? Busting a nut inside a bitch's guts feels like home.

I'm sure there is an evolutionary reason for this. If guys were driven to sling nuts every which way, no humans would get born. That's why your brain feels the most comforted when you've injected a bitches uterus with your seed. It's the way the Gods intended.

Once again, it's probably no surprise that my second favorite place is in a bitches mouth. There is nothing like giving up control and letting a bitch handle the heavy lifting. In fact, depending on when you ask me, pussy and mouth may switch positions. When a truly talented mouthsmith works on my cock it makes my eyes cross. And who doesn't love to see a cunt swallow your load? It's how a slut shows that she cares.

In third place comes the forbidden back door. I'm not as big of an anal fan as many of you fucks out there. I love degrading a bitch by boring into an orifice not built to take cock, but the fact that poop is in there upsets me. I'll fuck a bitches asshole, but I need to know that she cleaned the pipes out first. I'm talking about a bleach enema. I need that asshole cleaned with a toothbrush. I should be able to eat dinner out of a cunts colon.

That brings us to my fourth favorite option and theme of this review, the face. The face is an odd one. The reason guys like to cum in the pussy, mouth, and ass is pretty self-explanatory. It feels good when those things are rubbing up against your cock. That's not necessarily true about the face, though.

The reason guys like to bust on a bitches face is because it's demeaning and shows the dedication a slut has to your pleasure. It's not that you want to fuck her forehead. It's that you want her to accept your seed in a vulnerable and sensitive place—a place the world can see.

Enter EuroFacialBabes. They are all about busting fat nuts into the retinas and nostrils of unsuspecting Eurosluts. These bitches love nothing more than to ruin their make-up with a fat helping of sperm juice.

Sperm juices and make-up aren't free, and neither is Euro Facial Babes. It's a paid premium porn site, so you'll have to spend some of that unearned currency your mother gives you for living in the basement.

I know your mom hasn't raised your allowance since you were a little kid, so I wouldn't point you towards something you couldn't afford. The prices here are more than reasonable.

From a Trial, to a Lifetime

If you're unsure if Euro Facial Babes is the right facial site for you, take advantage of the two-day trial that only costs $2.95. I'd be shocked if you don't want a full-time membership after your trial period.

When it's time to secure a more permanent subscription, you have three options. The first is a one-month subscription that will cost you $9.95 for the first month and $19.95 every month after. My readers are more intelligent than to be duped by a one-month recurring subscription.

The second option is a one-year subscription for $60.00. Holy shit dicks. That is an eighty-six percent discount. Even the poorest amongst you have five bucks a month to spare.

The final and my favorite option is a lifetime membership. That's right. You could have access to all the Euro facial content your heart could ever desire for the rest of your life, and it will only cost you $149.95. That will be the best hundred and fifty bucks you've ever spent.

April Showers

Now that the numbers are crunched let's look at some of the content on Euro Facial Babes, starting with "April Blue." April Blue is a Hungarian bombshell with dick-sucking lips and eyes that will pierce your soul. However, you'll have trouble looking her in the eye, considering how hot she looks in her basque and panties.

Before leaning over to suck your cock, April peels the panties from her ass and strips naked so you can see every inch of her perfect body. The video is shot from the receiver's point of view, so you can imagine what it would be like to have those big blue eyes looking back up at you while April treats your cock like royalty. She performs a sensual cock sucking followed by some enticing ball play. Finally, the stunt cock pulls out and jacks off until he busts on her face.

Why Trade Steak for Spam?

This brings up one of my porn pet peeves. Why the fuck would this guy jerk off to cum? What the fuck is the point in that? Let her finish sucking your cock! If I'm at a fancy restaurant, I'm not going to chew my steak, spit it out, then eat a spam sandwich I brought from home. That would be fucking retarded, but still not as retarded as stopping a bitch from sucking your dick so you can jerk off.

It probably upsets me more than it should, but it happens so often. I'm on the edge of violence right now. This guy is lucky I don't know where he lives. April Blue, if you're reading this, I would never disrespect your skills like that. You're welcome to blow my cock to completion anytime you like.

I will give them this bit of leeway, though. When a guy launches his own load, he is able to manipulate the shaft to achieve maximum velocity. I believe maximum velocity is seen as the most camera-friendly way to give a bitch a facial, but I disagree. I'll trade velocity to keep a bitches mouth and or hands on the stunt cock any day.

I need something to put me back in a good mood, so let's look at "Tiffany Doll." If you love young, innocent-looking 18+ babes, then you'll bust a fat load to Tiffany Doll. She has an angelic face that looks like it belongs to a church choir member, not a porn star.

However, when you look down and see her sexy little pink miniskirt and white sheer top, you'll know this bitch has never stepped foot in a church. And if you needed any final proof, it comes when this bitch starts sucking your manhood. No Christians have that kind of oral skill. She is clearly a child of our dark Lord.

After a proper shaft sucking and ball gagging, Tiffany lets the stunt cock violently face fuck her until tears run down her face. Seeing those tears pouring down her cheeks made the stunt cock wonder what cum would look like if it joined in on the fun. So he launches a wad at her face and watches it fall as she licked his cock clean.

Show Us How It's Done

Finally, we have "Sindy Vega is Back." While others dabble in sucking cock, Sindy is a true master of the craft. To say she is a professional is putting it lightly. That's why she was invited back to Euro Facial Babes for round two. We need to see how it's done again.

To start, she strips out of her mini skirt and pink lacey top to give you a view of everything. Then she kneels down to work on your jimmy johnson with her mouth. Eventually, she leans back and begs to have her pussy fucked. The stunt cock is more than willing to indulge her urges. However, she doesn't let him cum inside her. She needs all that precious cum for her facial.

Euro Facial Babes features some of the most talented cock suckers in the game. These bitches could teach a blow job masterclass and a facial TED talk at the same time. You'll measure every blow job you receive from now on against these bitches. Not that you fuckers ever get blow jobs.

The only fault I see with Euro Facial Babes is the slightly chaotic web design. It's not complete shit, but it could use a cleaning up.

After you see some of these bitches' skills, you'll want to cut off your hands and replace them with their heads. But please don't do that.