Alexis Texas

Alexis Texas porn! Humans may all be created equal, but motherfuckers are not equal once we reach adulthood. Perhaps one day, we can accomplish that feat, but for now, there is a hierarchy to life. There are the haves and the have-nots in this world. You better get used to it.

There Are Levels to this Shit

Let's look at you and me as an example. You are a tiny little beta bitch with a micro penis and no pussy game whatsoever. You live in your parent's basement, play Minecraft all day, and exist on a diet of microwaveable mac and cheese and fast-food burgers.

The only women you've ever kissed are your grandma and mother. If a guy punches you on the street, you offer him the other cheek. You think ladies won't fuck you because you're too nice when in reality, it's because you're pathetic and unfuckable.

You are as fuckable as a baseball bat full of nails. When bitches see you, their vagina dries out like a potato chip. Blind, deaf, and dumb bitches know they don't want to fuck you based on smell alone.

That's pretty rough. Especially when you live in a world where people like me exist. I spend all day, every day fucking and having a dick like a narwhal has a unicorn horn. I subsist on a diet of gun powder-seasoned T-bone steaks and expensive Scotch whiskey.

I stopped learning girls' names before I graduated high school. Who the fuck cares? I'll punch a dude at the bar if he steps on my toes. I'm fully aware bitches fuck me because I'm an asshole. It's my superpower. The only things I collect are phone numbers and bedpost notches.

It's awesome being me. Libtards can claim that everyone is equal, but it's pretty clear that's bullshit. Who would you rather be, you or me? That's not even a question. I'd rather be dead than be anything but the Porndude.

Discovering that hierarchy lives in the industry doesn't take much porn watching. I've seen some ugly ass cunts get naked and fuck in front of a camera. I can't imagine what made them think it was a good idea. Nor can I imagine who is sitting down to watch that shit.

For example, there is the Down syndrome porn I reviewed a few months ago. Say what you will about their cognitive functions. I'd rather watch those motherfuckers take a math test than see them fuck again. The video started off with twenty minutes of the dude cleaning behind his trailer. That's the worst foreplay I've ever seen.

Star Power

Obviously, more people are searching for Abella Danger than airtight nuggets with Down syndrome. There is a palpable difference between the porn stars of the world and the porn gas clouds.

The world used to only have room for a couple of porn stars at a time. Between the advent of the internet and the rise of free tube sites, there are more porn stars than ever right now. And now that Only Fans has blown up, the number is only increasing.

No matter what your fetish is, there is a porn star representing it, and that person is making money. Porn stars can maintain multiple forms of income these days. Between modeling, Only Fans, proper porn, and social media, stars can make millions of dollars.

For example, the dumb cunt from The Dr. Phil show that coined the phrase "cash me outside" made a million dollars on her first day on Only Fans. Not only that, but it was on her eighteenth birthday.

One of the GOATS

But that bitch is nothing but an unskilled amateur compared to the porn star we'll be reviewing today. Alexis Texas is a fuck legend. If you haven't slung some ropes to Ms. Texas, what the fuck are you doing with your life?

Alexis Texas is in the runnings for the cause of the most orgasms in human history. If all the semen that's ever been spilled to her were collected in one place, the gravitational pull would be strong enough to turn the cum puddle into a main-phase star.

Alexis Texas didn't set out to become one of the most recognizable porn stars in the industry. She was born at a military base in Panama but soon moved to a little town named Castroville, just outside of San Antonio, Texas.

After graduating high school, she ran off to attend Texas State University for respiratory care, which is actually a lucrative industry. She had even already begun working in the field at a local nursing home.

However, the nursing home did not pay enough to make ends meet, so Alexis also kept a job at a local bar. It was at this bar that Alexis got her big break.

Humble Beginnings

Since coming of age, Alexis has always been a promiscuous girl. She used to let the boys practice their bra-removal skills on her. She lost her virginity senior year and never looked back.

Alexis may love dick, but she had never even pondered entering the adult industry. She didn't even watch porn. Why would she? Alexis was a hot blonde bartender. She had as much dick as she could handle on tap.

But one day, while working her usual shift at the bar, Alexis was approached by representatives of Shane's World Productions. They were in town to shoot "Shane's World's College Amateur Tour in Texas.

After a chat, Alexis agreed to film with them. However, it turns out that she thought they were filming a raunchy dating show, not a porn. That's fine. This chick is a straight cock hound, so when she found out it was a porn shoot, Alexis didn't mind.

Fucking Through Nerves

Alexis was pretty nervous on her first shoot. She's very comfortable with her naked body, but it was weird to have a whole crew of people watching you fuck. You bastards can barely perform jerking off alone in your room, so I'm sure you can imagine what a struggle it was for Alexis.

She spent much of that first shoot holding her tits out of nervousness, but it didn't take long to shake off those feelings of trepidation. Alexis had found her calling.

After working with Shane's World Production, Alexis began filming with the world-renowned Bang Bros. There isn't a masturbator on Earth who hasn't spent a romantic evening with Bang Bros. They produce some of the best porn ever made. It says something about Alexis' talent that her second production company is so well respected. This bitch knew what she was doing from day one.

After shooting a few films for Bang Bros, the word was getting around about the new hot blonde with an incredible body that can ride dick like a fucking champ.

Whenever new burgeoning talent moves up in the industry, LA Direct Modeling is one of the first modeling agencies to know. It was a no-brainer that they should hire Alexis. She has everything: face, body, talent, and a tight puss.

The Best of the Best

Since Bang Bros, Alexis has worked with almost every well-respected porn production company there is. This includes such greats as Elegant Angel, Wicked Pictures, Twisty's, Reality Kings, Muffia, and Brazzers.

Alexis's favorite porn to shoot is Gonzo's content, but she has fun with everything. You can catch her in scripted shit, point of view, solo, soft-core, and of course, hardcore. As I'm sure you can predict, the hardcore content is my favorite. I like that real shit.

The Dark Star

I'm sorry, gents. I have news some of you will take very hard: Alexis Texas isn't a big fan of anal. She has to be very horny and really craving it to enjoy it. However, that hasn't stopped her from filming some classic award-winning anal porn.

Her first anal scene was filmed for Elegant Angel's "Alexis Texas is Buttwoman." If you're not a big fan of anal but plan on shooting anal porn, you might as well make it superhero themed. That makes sense to me.

Her role in "Alexis Texas is Buttwoman" earned her the 2009 Adult Video News award for "best all-sex release." She retained her title as Buttwoman in three more Elegant Angel releases. This bitch can put in some great anal sex work for a bitch that doesn't care for it.

Alexis Texas is one of the most iconic porn stars to ever get naked in front of a camera. She's an incredible performer with a knack for noticing great angles and performing for the camera. If Alexis had a dime for every time a dude nutted to her, she'd be more wealthy than Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerburg combined.

When was the last time to spilled seed to Alexis? I think it's time for you to give her a fresh layer of hot cum.