Fansly

Everybody has a variant of slut they enjoy watching and fucking the most. Even you sexless fuck faces. You've never interacted with your type in person before, but theoretically, in a world where you aren't such a beta pussy, you would have. I can't make your dreams of intercourse come to fruition, but I can help you get a bit closer.

I Fuck 'em All

In a way, I actually don't have a type. I dick down cunts so fucking often it would be boring for me to limit myself to a type. I fuck all manner of ladies. Short or tall. Skinny or thick. Big or small tits. Everybody is getting a piece of the Porn, Dude. I'll turn out a preppy cheerleader snatch and only a minute later be ripping some evil goth cunt's anus open like a bag of corn chips. Nothing like cornholing before enjoying some corn chips.

I've cavorted with fabulously rich royalty with money and jewels I couldn't imagine. I fucked those rich dick-deprived damsels all around their mansions, leaving no surface clean of pussy juice. Priceless, ancient, museum-quality gold-plated Greek sculptures were used as ass dildos. Five hundred thousand dollar Gucci gowns were ripped off like opening a Christmas gift. Not even a bitch's jewelry was sacred. Some shit doesn't wash off, literally.

She knew I was loaded. Not as loaded as the princess I was fucking the day before, but compared to her, I might as well have been Bill Gates. She did her best to blow her way to an engagement. No humiliation was too great for her to say no. This was her chance. No. This was my chance.

Of course, bitches could smell the hope radiating off my dick from a mile away. Before I knew what was happening, the shelter became a group sex party. I had one hobo fucking my cock, a second sucking my balls, a third licking my asshole, a fourth making out with me, and a fifth and sixth eating each other out in front of me. God fucking damnit, do I love being me. It's a damn shame you're you.

Of course, I don't mind an athletic bitch from time to time. They are one of the few varieties of pussy that can keep up with my unlimited stamina. I can't run a marathon to save my mother's life, but I can bone from sun up to sun down. Yoga bitches love to spend all day fucking.

I'm sure many of you obese dipshits out there love seeing abs on a woman. There is a whole set of viral memes about it. Abs spark the monkey brain, making the penis want to rise and enter a soft pink vagina. It's some ancient DNA evolutionary shit.

However, as much as I love an athletic body, I prefer thicker ladies. I'm not talking about donut-cramming female Fat Bastards. I'm talking about having meat in all the right places. I don't need abs. I'd rather get some thick thighs and jiggly ass action. I want to see a bitches lower half shake when I spank her. You don't have that kind of entertainment fucking a triathlon competitor.

Another variant of lady I'll take over an athlete is creative cunts. I'm talking about painters, musicians, sculptures, and writers. The only thing creative people love more than their art is riding cock. Intercourse is more than just intercourse to artists. It's a connection with another person that brings us closer to the divine. At least that's what I tell creative bitches when I want them to fuck me. I'm a smooth talker.

Plus, that creativity always bleeds into the bedroom. I thought I knew some positions until I fucked my first theater kid back in high school. She taught me a lot. I wouldn't be the man I am today without her. I might not even be the porn dude. How tragic would that be?

On the topic of artists, hippies are super fuckable, also. What I love about hippies is they'll fuck all day and night. They don't have anything better to do. Hippies don't have jobs. They don't have plans. The only things they do are drugs, fucking, and music festivals.

The Porno Grab-Bag

If you're like me and enjoy a variety of porn, check out the subreddit r/Fansly. Fansly is an Only Fans competitor. They took lessons forged in the kiln of Only Fans and created a site that takes things to the next level.

Fansly is a subscription service just like Only Fans. Users can become members of any lady's page for the right price. The costs vary based on experience, fuckability, a difficulty. Niche fetishes are often the most expensive buys.

There are bitches of every type on Fansly. It doesn't matter if you like shit as crazy as midgets or vanilla as bean flicking. You'll find plenty of it.

What I like most about Fansly is that most ladies are amateurs. You won't find these ladies shooting studio porn for Nubiles. They prefer to maintain control of their product.

Ladies that are disgusted by the thought of officially entering the industry have no problem flashing their pussies for subscribers on Fansly. It's like a cheat code. Sites like Only Fans and Fansly changed porn forever.

The only problem with Fansly is that you have to pay money to get your hands on the content. However, many ladies enjoy posting on subreddits like r/Fansly as a form of advertisement. They hope you'll like the sample enough to pay for the whole kit and kaboodle.

What People Love to See

Let's check out what kind of content gets love on r/Fansly. First off, you'll see tons of masturbation. Some ladies like to use vibrators and dildos, while others prefer the company of their hands.

Ladies like to lay down on their backs and place the camera between their legs so viewers can see their whole pussy plus the tits. It's one of my favorite views. I could watch that shit all day.

I particularly enjoy it when the ladies play with their nipples while they pleasure themselves. I've fucked bitches whose nipples were so sensitive I could make them come just sucking on the nipples alone. You'll never feel more powerful than when a girl squirts without you touching their gash.

Reveals are another type of popular post. The reveal could be of her tits, pussy, ass, or any combo of the three. You know me. I, of course, prefer all three. I like to see the whole show. I'm not here for the trailer.

I don't think I have a favorite between the pussy, ass, or titty reveal. It depends on what kind of mood I'm in. However, most men prefer the titty reveal, and I understand why: Titty drops.

Titty drops are my favorite type of bob reveal. I love watching boob physics. Gravity and tits make for such a great combo. But now that I think about it, so does zero gravity. I guess tits are just awesome, no matter what.

You discover a wealth of titty drops throughout r/Fansly. Bitches with tits of all sizes and shapes do drops. I love it. Tiny titty drops are just as fun as big ones. Ok. Maybe not just as fun, but pretty damn close.

Few things are as enjoyable as when a bitch drops her titty in your face. I'd be fine asphyxiating under the weight of an M-cup titty. Those bad boys would weigh twenty-five pounds each.

Booty drops run a close second to titty drops. When a thick bitch with nice cheek folds lets the donk loose, it's a sight to behold. It's a transcendental experience. Those artist types might be right. Booty drops bring me to another plain of existence.

The finisher is if a bitch lets the booty loose and twerks afterward. Let me see the ass-fat physics at work. Put it on my dick and make it jiggle, bitch. I'll cum up your ass crack like my dicks is a hotdog and your cheeks are the bun.

Fansly has a wealth of assorted ladies ready to make your porn dreams come true. Instead of paying out the ass for the content, check out promo shit on r/Fansly.

My only complaint is that Reddit's most popular image and video host recently banned adult content. Reddit will be a bit screwy until people get their new services straight.

Head over to r/Fansly right now and find the slut of your dreams.