Butt Sharpies

If you haven't taken notice as of yet, I bone a lot of bitches. I thrust my member into pussies, mouths, and assholes numerous times a day, seven days a week. Double time on the Lord's Day. Sundays are exhausting.

Working the Pink Mines

My cock is a blue-collar man. He logs into work every day, excited for what the day has in store. I like to keep my wang on his toes. Will we be tiny-tittied petite teens? Or how about Latin milfs with huge asses? I never let a month go by without bedding a couple of albino ebony whores. Those bitches are bright. You can see their tits in a dark room.

Finding time for my career can be difficult when there is so much intercourse to have. Fortunately, I own my own business and make my own schedule. Otherwise, I'd never have this busy of a pussy schedule.

However, I can't slack Jack and Mack all day long. While I think of plowing bitches as part of the gig, I still have to sit down and write this shit. But if I wasn't fucking, I couldn't maintain the alpha male status you guys come to me for. I fuck sluts for you guys. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

The Spice of Life

The only thing about fucking as often as I do is that variety is crucial. Plain old missionary sex isn't enough to keep me engaged. My average stimulation levels are about as high as possible, so if a bitch wants to make my eyes cross and legs shake, she better be prepared to work for it.

I assure you that no other dude on this spinning blue ball encourages more hard work from his sexual partners. Ladies know it's an honor to have my penis inside them. Not every lady gets the privilege of mounting my manhood. Therefore, bitches don't want to squander the chance. They know that the only way to be invited back to my bedroom is if they fuck the shit out of me.

I've got bitches doing New York City Subway Gymnastics on my cock. I've had female tantric monks come down from the Tibetan mountain tops to train on my wonder-willy. They adore my inexhaustible stamina and the fact I'm the only individual that's not a member of their monastery that can keep up with them. I even helped to edit their religious text. I'm writing the fuck bible over here.

As you can see, my pussy proficiency is known all around the world to millions, perhaps billions of sluts. You might be curious if having so much sex gets boring eventually. Absolutely not. But perhaps it would if ladies didn't have three holes on them that could fit a cock.

If the only place I could slide my wang in a bitch was her gash, I bet I would get bored. But fortunately, I live in a solar system where the pussy, mouth, and asshole exist all in one human. Sometimes it's awesome being on this planet.

New Blood

When I tire from the vagina, I shove my slippery mister down a bitches throat. Blow jobs are beloved by penis owners everywhere. That's because guys don't have to work at all. I love laying back in my recliner, turning the game on, and getting my whistle moistened by some unidentified harlot.

Have you ever busted a but while your favorite team scored points? It's an incredible feeling of victory and release. The cheers of the crowd blend with the sound of choking and gagging to create an ASMR experience that can't be beaten.

But not even the mouth is enough to keep boredom at bay. While I enjoy it when a chicken head cares enough to bob on my nob, the Porndude is the Porndude for a reason. I fuck like a champion. I put in every ounce of effort I have in a bitch. That's the way I like it. It's a labor of love.

Once the pussy and mouth have enjoyed their respective times in the sun, it's time to bask in the dim light of the dark star. It's time to stare into the eye of the whale. In other words, it is time to open my heart and genitals to the opportunities inside the colon. I'm talking about butt sex, people. And I'm talking about r/ButtSharpies

You guys have never had the chance to enjoy regular sex, so I'm positive you've never rammed your wiggler into a slut's brown banger. And if you haven't done that, you absolutely have not stuck Sharpie markers up a chick's asshole. Let me attempt to explain the feeling of anal sex.

First off, depending on whose asshole you're inside of, it's considerably tighter than the pussy. Especially if it's an anal virgin. If you ever get a chance to pop the dookie cherry, don't turn it down. You can try the hole out with a marker first to test the waters. Don't forget to take a pic for r/ButtSharpies

Second, the colon feels different. The best way I could describe it in a way you'll understand is that it feels like getting a new insert for your Fleshlight.

Third, yes, there might be a bit of poop. However, when you have a bitch twerking her tight B-hole on your member, you won't notice some brown specks.

PenisSharpie

However, the penis isn't the star of the show today. It's Sharpie markers. To quote the top of the r/ButtSharpies page, "The name says it all." It certainly does. I wonder if Sharpie knows about what's going on in r/ButtSharpies. Perhaps they could use it as an advertisement.

r/ButtSharpies was created on october 15th, 2011. In the preceding twelve years, the subreddit has accumulated one hundred and seventy thousand members. That's plenty to keep the stream of fresh content rolling in.

I love the first sentence in the subreddit "about community" section, "Welcome to r/ButtSharpies, home of the infamous Sharpie-in-pooper craze.

Two questions: Is it actually infamous, and is sticking Sharpies in your butt an actual craze? That's for you guys to answer. I can't give you everything. You have to work a little around here.

Anatomy of a Great Post

Let's take a peek at what makes for a hot post on r/ButtSharpies. I'll start by addressing what I'm sure you're all wondering. Sharpies aren't the only marker you'll find here. Occasionally shit like off-brand rip-offs and dry-erase markers make the cut. Honestly, it makes no difference to me. A marker up the butt is a marker up the butt to me.

The most simple posts on r/ButtSharpies are close-up asshole shots with a single Sharpie shoved up there. Those bitches are just starting their anal training. Before long, they'll be ramming watermelons up there.

But most posts don't stop at a single Sharpie. I'd say, on average, you're looking at between four and five markers. That's about five or six inches around. That's far more training than a bitch needs to fuck your pathetic cock. Even one marker is one marker too far. Your dick isn't even the size of the cap!

Some ladies on r/ButtSharpies like to discover which hole they can fit more markers in. I love when the asshole and vagina compete for attention. It's like evolution.

Some ladies even have commenters bet on which hole has the most room. Guess what. I've never been wrong, and I doubt I ever will be. I'm a hole sommelier. Nothing slips past me. I don't even need to see the holes. I can look in a cunt's face and predict which hole is larger with no effort.

You betas would probably assume that the vagina always wins, but that's not the case. Assholes can be just as elastic. Sure, a virgin asshole couldn't compete with a slutty vagina, but with a couple of months of training, the game is on.

On that note, some ladies find that having an asshole full of markers isn't enough. They want an asshole and a pussy full of markers simultaneously. That's when you know a cunt is a real whore. Most ladies live their entire lives without slipping objects in both holes. It's a damn shame, and I'm here to change that. I'm happy to help any woman who wants it.

r/ButtSharpies is a creative and unique porn subreddit. You won't find this kind of thing often. Plus, most unique porn subreddits have no members. r/ButtSharpies is loaded with pervs. It's hilarious what people find attractive. It's endlessly fascinating to me.

The only thing I wish for r/ButtSharpies is that they include more bodies. Almost all of the pictures are close-up asshole selfies. I'm trying to see some tits and ass, also. I like it all.

I bet you guys just ordered some Sharpies from Amazon. It's a shame you can't order a bitch's asshole from Amazon, also. You'll have to settle for r/ButtSharpies.